Kick The Jerk

People kicking Gary Oak, from left to right: Rit (Rod Land, Soldam), Tam (Rod Land, Soldam), Suchie-Pai (Suchie-Pai), Cayna (In the Land of Leadale), Ryo Sakazaki (The King of Fighters).

Cayna from In the Land of Leadale finally gets to be in my comics? All I can say to her is "Welcome to Neo Retro Union, Cayna!"

First, we had a trilogy of comics where other people kicked Waluigi. Then, it was Bubsy's turn to get kicked by other people. And now, Ash Ketchum's original nemesis Gary Oak is now getting kicked by other people for all the wrongs he did to Ash?!? Looks like justice knows no boundaries...

Then again, Gary Oak deserves to get kicked for tormenting Ash Ketchum and millions of Pokemon players. Even if this arrogant jerk was named after Super Mario Bros creator Shigeru Miyamoto and Ash Ketchum's namesake Satoshi Tajiri was even more of an outsider than Waluigi, this is no excuse for Nintendo to not punish those who have mistreated Ash Ketchum. Justice is justice, and Nintendo has no right to obstruct it. Period.

The Matriarchal Destroyer of Worlds

Whether it's the official sources provided by Square Enix, or fan-made content such as webcomics like Wooden Plank Studios, Jenova is the true mastermind behind Sephiroth's villainy. This includes Sephiroth bringing Smash despair, meaning Kirby throwing a Friend Heart to weaken and humiliate Sephiroth is basically throwing a wrench in Jenova's dark plans to destroy the Smash House, essentially foiling the evil matriarch that tried to destroy Gaia a long time ago, especially when Jenova had already destroyed an unknown number of planets before becoming the Calamity that fell from the sky, resulting in the downfall of the Cetra civilization.

Final Fantasy VII © Square Enix.

Armor Piercing Stab

Weapons stabbing a female noob wearing bronze armor from left to right starting with the top row:

 

Row 1: Maple Glory Sword (MapleStory), Steel Longsword (RuneScape), Keenblade (RuneScape), Maple Soul Singer (MapleStory), Gradriel's Sword (Princess Crown).

 

Row 2: Master Sword (The Legend of Zelda), Steely Throwing Knife (MapleStory), Adamant Throwing Knife (Old School RuneScape), Sparta (MapleStory), Broadsword (MapleStory).

 

Bronze equipment was always considered to be the stuff of noobs in RuneScape before the Evolution of Combat Update. After that update went live, iron equipment, which used to require level 1 in certain combat skills had their skill requirements increased, making them out of reach for some people who did not have the requirements when that update went live. This was perhaps the real reason Jagex decided to come up with Old School RuneScape, so that players who could not cope with the new combat update can enjoy what RuneScape used to be like before the Evolution of Combat.

 

To show how weak bronze equipment is in Old School RuneScape, various weapons are shown stabbing a female noob in this comic. Even low-level weapons such as Keenblade and steel longswords could pierce through bronze armor, so don't get started on high-level weapons. The results would be far too horrific beyond imagination...

The Consequences of refusing to shut down Volkswagen

Volkswagen was established by the Nazis in 1937, making it a symbol of Nazi tyranny. Its unscrupulous business ethics made it the target of law firms who simply dislike any company that had Nazi connections.

One of the consequences of Volkswagen's unscrupulous business ethics was the Dieselgate emissions scandal. It involved Volkswagen deceiving its customers with the promises of "clean diesel" when the diesel vehicles in reality had been rigged with cheating devices. Such unethical business practices resulted in Volkswagen getting targeted by lawsuits and boycotts.

If the Dieselgate emissions scandal didn't make the headlines, then the Volkswagen corporate scandal of 2005-2007 would have exposed Volkswagen for the unethical company they have always been. Notable people who have been arrested for the corporate scandal include Peter Hartz and Hans-Juergen Uhl. Such people received prison sentences and were forced to pay huge fines as well.

All of these scandals would not have happened had the Allies shut down Volkswagen as part of the de-Nazification of Germany. Unfortunately, the de-Nazification of Germany turned out to be a farce, and Volkswagen deceiving its customers is a testament to that farce.

Samurai Sons of Baekje

Fun Fact: Samurai clans whose ancestors came from Korea exist. They were descendants of exiled Baekje nobles who fled to Japan after Baekje was conquered by Silla during the twilight years of the Korean Three Kingdoms Period.

If I were Ubisoft, I would not have made Yasuke a samurai because I know Yasuke never became a samurai despite the fact that his existence in Japanese history is officially confirmed and on top of that, he actually did serve Oda Nobunaga. Instead, I would have made the samurai protagonist in Assassin's Creed Shadows a descendant of Baekje nobles who were exiled to Japan after the fall of Baekje. Even if a samurai with Korean ancestry sounds like an outrageous idea, it would make more sense than making Yasuke the only foreign samurai of African origin.

Unfortunately, the company that gave us Rayman, Rabbids, Splinter Cell, Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six, Far Cry and Assassin's Creed is destroying itself with DEI to the chagrin of Ubisoft fans. The situation is so bad that some Ubisoft loyalists feel that boycotting the company until it goes under is the only right thing to do.

Slated For Bonus Stage Destruction

The car breaker bonus stage from Street Fighter 2 is one of the most iconic bonus levels in video game history. While it returned in Street Fighter 4, it's a pity it did not return in Street Fighter 5 or Street Fighter 6, and it definitely did not appear in Street Fighter X Tekken.

In this comic, we are going to talk about the vehicles that should be demolished in the car breaker bonus stage.

If Capcom took note of the Volkswagen Dieselgate scandal, they would have considered bringing back the car breaker bonus stage for future Street Fighter games and have a Volkswagen be the vehicle that's slated for destruction in the car breaker bonus stage. How's that for punishing an unscrupulous automaker that had its origins in the Nazi regime?

The Pontiac Aztek. The vehicle that killed Pontiac with its ugliness. It's a vehicle so ugly that Street Fighter characters would not give a second thought before destroying it in a car breaker bonus stage.

If there was one tank that deserves to be destroyed by Street Fighter characters, it's the Type 95 Ha-Go. With armor so thin that it can even be destroyed by an M1 Garand bolt action rifle, the Type 95 Ha-Go light tank would definitely be another vehicle that's slated for destruction via the car breaker bonus stage, although it would be a harder challenge than wrecking an average car.

The 2008 Fiat 500 had fantastic sales figures. However, if online reviews were anything, it was not a good car. It has terrible reliability issues and therefore, Street Fighter characters would have no problems about not giving a second thought before destroying it in a car breaker bonus stage.

The Chevrolet Citation is another unreliable vehicle that deserves to be destroyed in Street Fighter's car breaker bonus stage. Had it not been for the dodgy reliability issues, it would not have been a commercial failure, let alone appear in this comic...

Serious Repercussions

Author's Note: This comic was made using the Gru's Plan meme from Despicable Me.

In defense of John Bull, a Great False Church made England burn Joan of Arc to death in the first place.

If there was anything that will make John Bull and Marianne argue with each other, it would have been the inquiry on the death of Joan of Arc. The official inquiries are still divided over who's responsible for her death. France says that England should apologize for executing Joan of Arc, while England denies such accusations as libel and insists that a Great False Church made them execute her in the first place. At the end of the day, that Great False Church will get judged by Christ's Second Coming, essentially giving Joan of Arc justice and acquitting England of the war crime of burning her to death.

Despicable Me © Universal Pictures/Illumination Studios.