Warzone Goners

Author's Note: All copyrights for the characters in this comic go to their respective owners.

The warzones of Command and Conquer: Red Alert have no place for pathetic weaklings. Here are five weaklings who should never be in such warzones.

France's biggest loser needs no introduction whatsoever. Glass Joe has an abysmal 99 losses according to his lore in the Punch-Out series. If he were to fight in the Red Alert trilogy's version of the Cold War, even a cheap conscript would easily mow him down in personal combat.

As the weakest character in the Street Fighter series, Dan Hibiki was always destined to be weak. He's not as weak as Glass Joe, but still, he will get mowed down by conscripts...

Bubsy's catchphrase of "What could possibly go wrong?" will end up becoming self-fulfilling if this Bobcat were to be fighting in a Cold War gone hot because he will end up angering Soviet Russia's huskies and War Bears, resulting in him getting eaten up by them.

While Spelunker has bombs and an Uzi, these weapons will mean nothing when falling from a height of one meter means instant death. Therefore, Spelunker would be dead if he was to fight in the Red Alert warzones...

Wynn already has too many enemies and hazards that would knock him dead in one hit in his own game. If this fragile protagonist were to be posted to the Red Alert warzones, he would definitely be a goner despite being armed with bombs.

TL;DR, if these weaklings went to the Red Alert warzones, all of them are guaranteed to be goners.

Practical Apocalypse Tank

The designs for the Apocalypse Tanks in Red Alert 2 and Red Alert 3 are actually impractical to be honest. However, I came up with a more practical design for the Apocalypse Tank that takes the best of both designs.

Firstly, my Apocalypse Tank redesign has two treads instead of four. Secondly, it has the SA-13 Gopher Anti-Air Missile Launchers. It would still have the M-Harpoon from Red Alert 3, though.

Even then, this redesigned Apocalypse Tank still lacks the practicality of the T-14 Armata. But that does not mean the Apocalypse Tank does not have a place in any war zone. It's a pity there will not be a new Command and Conquer Red Alert game in the foreseeable future. Not even a reboot...

The Inquiry on General Carville's Death

How a Crazy Ivan made his way inside The Pentagon that he exploded General Carville could well have been the work of Spetsnaz commandos infiltrating The Pentagon and smuggling the aforementioned Crazy Ivan. If that was true, this would have demonstrate not only why Crazy Ivans were so dangerous that they had to be totally omitted from Red Alert 3, but it also demonstrates how pragmatic Spetsnaz commandos are. Unfortunately, if an inquiry on General Carville's death existed, it would have been lost amid time travel shenanigans in Yuri's Revenge, and later on, Red Alert 3.

Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2 © Electronic Arts.

Explosions Compilation

Author's Note: My apologies to any German or Austrian readers who may be offended from reading this comic. However, if reading the truth as told by some of their netizens was any indication, Germany and Austria are slowly being taken over by autocrats.

If there is any way for a webcomic whose curtain call has not yet come to come to an end, go with a big bang. That's why this comic features explosions. Cue the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture...

The bombing of the last Fokker Dr.I triplane by an Allied air raid in World War 2 sounds like justice for Snoopy or the 80 pilots who were shot down by the Red Baron in World War 1. However, Snoopy's World War 1 escapades may all be just his imagination according to WildBrain's new Peanuts cartoon. It's also possible that according to one fan theory found on Reddit, Snoopy was actually a World War 1 pilot who was killed in that conflict reincarnated as a dog, and is split between his past life and his current one.

Merchant ships have fallen prey to submarine torpedoes, and German merchant ships also fell prey to Allied and Soviet submarine attacks during World War 2 in retaliation against Germany's unrestricted submarine warfare during that conflict. The freighter that is about to get torpedoed in this comic is named Rostock, after a port city located in eastern Germany.

Capitalism is not the real enemy. The driver of the demolition truck that is about to blow up the pillbox has said that corporatism is the real enemy because if there is anything wrong with capitalism, it's obviously corporatism's fault.

The armoured fighting vehicle that is about to get blasted by a nuclear bomb is an Austrian Ulan armoured fighting vehicle. Recently, Austria's leaders had been disrespecting their democracy by becoming more autocratic. This hostile takeover of Austria, as well as several European Union member states, including Germany, by autocrats was already prophesied by the Bible. You know what else Bible prophecy predicted? The next Russo-German War. And Austria will be fighting for Germany against Russia and several countries from Asia that possess nuclear bombs. This means that the nuclear bomb dropped on the Austrian armoured fighting vehicle in this comic is a Russian nuclear bomb.

Up In United Arms

I cannot believe I have not featured anything related to MapleStory in my comics until now. Maybe it's time MapleStory got more attention in my comics...

Attention, all readers. If you are fed up with all the injustices going on throughout the whole world, it could be time to rise up in united arms, regardless of what weapons you are using.

Below is a detailed explanation for all the weapons featured in this comic:

The bronze dagger is known for being the weakest weapon in the history of the RuneScape game in both RuneScape 3 and Old School RuneScape. Steel daggers are significantly stronger than bronze daggers in both RuneScape 3 and Old School RuneScape, and are commonplace with special forces all over the world.

In RuneScape, farmers fight using pitchforks, and pitchforks have always been a symbol of angry mobs.

The 2020 edition of Looney Tunes has decided to remove guns from the show. This means Elmer Fudd will no longer be using his shotgun. However, Warner Bros did not remove dynamites from the 2020 edition of Looney Tunes. Therefore, enjoy laughing at cartoon explosions while we still can, because weapon control laws will tighten the noose on our childhood memories.

Shotguns, handguns, Uzis and dynamites have always been weapons featured in many games in the Worms series, which has been known for the many hilarious deaths of worms due to these weapons.

In the Command and Conquer games, technicians use their pistols to defend themselves. Unfortunately, it's useless against buildings and most vehicles. Only in the hands of super commandos do pistols do any damage against vehicles, with the most prominent example being the Metal Slug games.

The AK-47 has become a symbol of Russia's military power, as well as a common weapon of Russia's client states. Unfortunately, terrorists have idolized the AK-47, and that's no good.

Wands have largely been the favourite weapon of choice for many magical girls, including Rit from Rod Land and Soldam, and being a magic user is quite common for many female MapleStory and RuneScape player characters. This is why Rit's magic wand, MapleStory's Ice Wand and RuneScape's Mystic Wand are featured in this comic.

The stick grenade was originally used by the German Army during World Wars 1 and 2. Unfortunately, it failed to help Germany win both World Wars, which they obviously lost. In the Metal Slug series, the stick grenades are used by the playable characters as well as mid-boss Allen O'Neil.

Dynamites have always been a favourite weapon of the Crazy Ivan from Red Alert 2. In fact, the Crazy Ivan is one of the most humorous units in the game along with any explosive unit that blows up enemies.

Sais have been a mainstay in all things ninja, including MapleStory. The most prominent user of sais has to be Raphael from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

MapleStory is just one of those games where you can use silly weapons, and one of those silly weapons is a steel pipe.

Gonbe and Tago from Ikki use bamboo spears to fight for justice. Just as pitchforks are the weapons of angry mobs from Western countries, bamboo spears would be the best choice for the Japanese or East Asian counterparts to the pitchfork.

Insufficient Evidence

There are a fair amount of sources claiming that copyright infringement funds terror activities. However, evidence to support such claims are uncommon and therefore cannot be accepted by those who are fighting for digital freedom. This is why even if I am a copyright holder, I have no right to go after my own fans if they get caught for infringing on my copyrights because if I do that, I can assure you that I will get boycotted, and I cannot afford to get boycotted as much as I cannot afford to hire a lawyer to go after offenders.

Perhaps one of my biggest "war crimes" in my video game history was blasting enemies with single-use exploding units. One of the most notable case was that one of my favourite units in Red Alert 2 was the Demolition Truck. That is why I featured a Demolition Truck blasting somebody who wants the Fair Use Act gone from Copyright Law in order to win the War on Terror. Such people who wants Fair Use removed from Copyright Law have no right to stifle freedom and creativity.