The Hideously Ugly Face of Evil

Jenova's skull face is very hideous. It's so hideous that it would make the Yellow Devil from the Mega Man series self-destruct. Even the Chimera from Resistance are nowhere near as ugly as Jenova, and Polygon Man knows that Jenova is too ghastly to have any part in the purple floating head's malevolent plans to take over Sony. It's also possible Jenova would have been too ugly to even appear in any major webcomic because of the aforementioned skull face.

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth © Square Enix.

Swimming Pool Matriarch Visual Gag Variations 4

Once again, it's time for more wisdom from the Matriarch of the Swimming Pool.

Sephiroth's parents did say mean things to Cloud. Jenova does not speak. But when she did, she called Cloud "a puppet". Professor Hojo, the evil genius who happens to be Sephiroth's father, called Cloud "the Failure".

There are no traces of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale in the PS5 built-in freeware Astro's Playroom. This also includes the complete absence of Polygon Man from the game. Instead, the final boss was the PS1 Tech Demo T-Rex, who just happens to have no game of his own before Astro's Playroom. Maybe PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale will get a Definitive Remaster one day, and hopefully, the Astro's Playroom stage will be included, with the PS1 Tech Demo T-Rex included as a stage hazard.

In Resident Evil 2, Dr William Birkin seeks to implant the G virus into his daughter Sherry Birkin. For that, the heroes had to kill him. As a result, Dr Birkin perished a mutated monster. But what made him so unlikeable was his obsession with implanting the G virus into his daughter. This means Dr William Birkin is a worse father than Tekken's Heihachi Mishima.

The art style of the SNES launch title F-Zero was reminiscent of superhero comic books. In fact, Captain Falcon's Falcon Punch would fit perfectly in any comic featuring onomatopoeia.

Too Grotesque for Polygon Man

Credits to The Archworks a.k.a. Archemeits for his renditions of Heretic Hojo and Jenova Synthesis.

"Ridley is too big" has officially aged poorly. "Jenova is too ugly" makes more sense for the Smash community now, because Jenova is far too grotesque to even have any part in the malevolent plans of Polygon Man, one of which involves the purple head taking over Sony.

Heretic Hojo and Jenova Synthesis are so ugly that Polygon Man rejected them from being stage hazards in PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale. And it does not help when both of them are uglier than the Chimera from the Resistance series. This could also explain why neither Hojo nor Jenova came along when Sephiroth entered Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Sakurai would find both of them too grotesque to be included in any form.

Swimming Pool Matriarch Visual Gag Variations 2

Another Matriarch of the Swimming Pool visual gag variations comic? Looks like this comic could become a new Internet meme.

In Xenoblade Chronicles 2, Pyra wears a tiny pair of shorts. It was so tiny that she had to wear a pantyhose when she became playable in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. However, Pyra's tiny shorts are actually comfortable. They just look rather silly, though.

People wonder how Tekken elements such as Kazuya Mishima being a playable character as well as a Heihachi Mishima Wig for Mii Fighters and a Heihachi Mishima Mii Brawler costume could be included in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Well, Tekken's history on Nintendo platforms began with Tekken Advance for the Game Boy Advance, although this was eclipsed by the Wii U Edition of Tekken Tag Tournament 2 in terms of popularity, but still, as the first Tekken game on a Nintendo platform, Tekken Advance remains an important footnote in Tekken history.

Did you know that kokeshi dolls were the main inspiration for the Miis that became the digital avatars for the Nintendo Wii, 3DS, Wii U and Switch consoles? Unlike the kokeshi dolls which do not have arms or legs, Miis have protruding limbs for arms and legs.

Relegating an advertising mascot to the sidelines for 17 years for being too scary is surely not the right thing to do for Ken Kutaragi. That was how Polygon Man became a malevolent being who seeks to take over Sony.

The original Street Fighter had Ryu and Ken as playable characters. It also had many ports, most of which are almost unplayable as compared to the barely playable Arcade version, and Ken does not even appear in the Amiga and Amstrad CPC versions.

While the MSX computer was associated with Sony and Panasonic, Fujitsu was also one of the manufacturers of the MSX computer. In fact, Fujitsu manufactured the MSX as the FM-X alongside their competing computing range, in the form of the FM-7, FM-8 and FM-77.

Reactions to an Endgame Aftermath

Accept it, Jenova. Your dark plans would be far too extreme for a malevolent purple head who tried to take over Sony, which is why he will never allow you to be part of his army. Also, that purple head would rather sign a peace agreement with Master and Crazy Hands.

Remember when I made a comic about how Kazuya's Quest would end? While none of the predictions that I made came true, it ended with Sephiroth getting defeated by Kazuya and Kirby. To add insult to injury, Sephiroth's army disbanded, headed for home and called the Bringer of Despair a loser. Now Professor Hojo is going to hate himself even more than he normally would because he is going to end up being a laughing stock in addition to being a worse father than Kazuya's father Heihachi. As for Jenova, she would not take Sephiroth's defeat and humiliation at the hands of Kazuya and Kirby very lightly. But she can do nothing about it because even if she decides to join forces with Polygon Man, that purple head would not allow her to be part of his army. Perhaps it's because being an Eldritch Abomination, she is uglier than even the Chimera from Sony's Resistance franchise, and the Chimera are ugly aliens.

P.S. Jenova rarely talks. But when she did, she taunted Cloud by saying "Because, you are... a puppet".

Final Fantasy VII © Square Enix.

Update: Unfortunately for Jenova, she did not get any chance to destroy the Smash House because Wooden Plank Studios had its final curtain call on 9 July 2024. However, Sephiroth defeated Galeem and Tabuu in the very last Wooden Plank Studios story arc, where Tabuu and Galeem teamed up and organized a battle royale. So technically, Jenova did have the last laugh because she did win against Tabuu and Galeem at the end.

Polygon Man Wins At Last

Ladies and gentlemen, E3 2023, like E3 2022, has been cancelled. To make matters worse, E3 in 2024 and 2025 are also cancelled as well.

Remember the very first E3 back in 1995? Well, that was where Polygon Man got rejected by Ken Kutaragi for being too ugly. No wonder Polygon Man was so spiteful towards Sony's mascots. Being sidelined for 17 years transformed Polygon Man into a malevolent mastermind seeking to take over Sony. And now, with E3 being cancelled for four years in a row, looks like E3 is officially dead. In other words, Polygon Man finally had the last laugh that he had been waiting for since the launch of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale.

Update: E3 has been officially discontinued. There will be no more E3 conventions from 2024 onwards. Polygon Man did have the last laugh after all.

Smacking an Ice Cream

Author's Note: This comic is based on the PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale cutscene where Kratos from God Of War encounters Twisted Metal's Needles Kane, and vice versa. Kratos, thinking that Needles Kane was another pawn of Polygon Man's malevolent plans, smacks Needles Kane's ice cream.

Here, you can see from left to right, an arrow fired from an Archer Lemming, a javelin hurled by a Spearer Lemming, a dagger thrown by King Arthur from Ghosts'n Goblins, a baseball, possibly thrown by either a Thrower Lemming or a pitcher Mii from Wii Sports and Wii Sports Club, and the sword from Dragon's Lair wielded by Dirk the Daring, all of them smacking Needles Kane's ice cream.

It's definitely not a good idea to smack Needles Kane's ice cream, because there are only two ways it will end. Either you emerge victorious over Needles Kane, or you perish at the hands of Needles Kane. Maybe this is why Kratos does not want to speak about PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale in God Of War Ragnarok.

Ugly and Uglier

It's time for the creepiest day of the creepiest month of the year. But we're not going to focus on that. Instead, we're focusing on ugliness. Ugliness that was to blame for Polygon Man getting sidelined in 1995.

The real reason Jenova was prohibited from making cameo appearances in the Kingdom Hearts series, the Dissidia Final Fantasy series, PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, and Super Smash Bros Ultimate was because of her being too grotesque. And it doesn't help when she's uglier than Polygon Man, whose ugliness got him sidelined for 17 years on Ken Kutaragi's orders.

Final Fantasy VII © Square Enix. PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale © Sony Interactive Entertainment.

Variations of a Polygon Man Introduction

Even a malevolent polygonal head like Polygon Man knows that Microsoft and Nintendo needs to suffer his fury for their bad business ethics. In fact, Sony still can never forgive Nintendo for their 1991 betrayal that nearly killed off the PlayStation before it could even be conceived. So if you are unhappy with the unethical business ethics of Nintendo and Microsoft, perhaps joining forces with Sony would be a better option, even if Sony sometimes behave like a jerk just like Polygon Man.

PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale © Sony Interactive Entertainment.

Sony's Most Malevolent Character

If you want to know why PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale is not getting a sequel, this is because the various heroes, villains and other miscellaneous characters throughout the history of Sony's PlayStation successfully defeated the malevolent being that made them destroy each other so that he can get rid of them and become the sole mascot of PlayStation. We're talking about Polygon Man, the purple polygonal head that PlayStation creator Ken Kutaragi rejected at E3 1995. In the 17 years between that fateful rejection and the E3 2012 Trailer for PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, Polygon Man became Sony's most malevolent character, driven by the bitterness that he had since being rejected by Ken Kutaragi. So malevolent that he even seeks to destroy the villains of PlayStation. But he just wishes to enslave everybody in order to destroy the PlayStation World and reforge it in his own image as payback for Ken Kutaragi's rejection.

Sakurai Was Right!

For those who want Goku to be in Super Smash Bros, you have to accept the fact that he will never be in the game, if the Super Spirit Bomb disintegrating the nearly invincible Majin Buu was any indication. Goku would also be unsuitable for Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale for similar reasons. Therefore, we have to accept the fact that anime characters will never be in Super Smash Bros or Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale because anime characters will ruin everything for these dueling titles and what they are meant to be.

Maybe it has to do with some anime being too brutal and gory for their characters to be even included into Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale, which has characters from games that have gore in it...

I'm keeping an eye on you, Game Freak. Especially when there are people who want characters from the Pokemon anime, given that its main protagonist has below average intelligence, which could explain why he has not won any major Pokemon League.

Dragon Ball Z © Shueisha/Bird Studios.

Update: Ash Ketchum finally won Alola's Pokemon League. However, he will not be allowed in Smash Bros due to him not originating from a video game.