Warzone Goners

Author's Note: All copyrights for the characters in this comic go to their respective owners.

The warzones of Command and Conquer: Red Alert have no place for pathetic weaklings. Here are five weaklings who should never be in such warzones.

France's biggest loser needs no introduction whatsoever. Glass Joe has an abysmal 99 losses according to his lore in the Punch-Out series. If he were to fight in the Red Alert trilogy's version of the Cold War, even a cheap conscript would easily mow him down in personal combat.

As the weakest character in the Street Fighter series, Dan Hibiki was always destined to be weak. He's not as weak as Glass Joe, but still, he will get mowed down by conscripts...

Bubsy's catchphrase of "What could possibly go wrong?" will end up becoming self-fulfilling if this Bobcat were to be fighting in a Cold War gone hot because he will end up angering Soviet Russia's huskies and War Bears, resulting in him getting eaten up by them.

While Spelunker has bombs and an Uzi, these weapons will mean nothing when falling from a height of one meter means instant death. Therefore, Spelunker would be dead if he was to fight in the Red Alert warzones...

Wynn already has too many enemies and hazards that would knock him dead in one hit in his own game. If this fragile protagonist were to be posted to the Red Alert warzones, he would definitely be a goner despite being armed with bombs.

TL;DR, if these weaklings went to the Red Alert warzones, all of them are guaranteed to be goners.

Swimming Pool Matriarch Visual Gag Variations 9

Hey, folks. I'm back once again with yet another Matriarch of the Swimming Pool visual gag variations comic.

Contrary to popular belief, David the Champion of Jehovah was not the underdog that Sunday School often portrays him as in the story of David Vs Goliath. You see, slingers such as David were a Bronze Age battlefield elite that were arguably deadlier than most archers of that period. Getting hit in the face's "Golden Triangle" by a stone ball moving at 100 miles per hour is as fatal today as it was back in the days of David and Goliath. In other words, Goliath was going up against the wrong enemy...

Let's face it. Even if Dan Hibiki is considered the most pathetic character in the history of Street Fighter, he would still win against Glass Joe, Bubsy and Awesome Possum, even if these three born losers joined forces against him.

The first day of January was not the correct day to start the New Year. In fact, the Anno Mundi Calendar states that the first day of Spring, a.k.a. the Spring Equinox, is the true start of the New Year. Yet, Julius Caesar thinks there is nothing wrong with starting the New Year in the dead of Winter. Looks like the Roman Empire is the 4th Beast of Daniel 7 because that 4th Beast has a "little horn" that has the intention to change times and law...

While the Swedish Strv 74 looks weak and outdated by Cold War standards, even this tank could win against the Panzer 68 despite the Panzer 68's superior stats because the Panzer 68 was very problematic according to the Swiss Ministry of Defence.

Speaking of problematic tanks, China's Type 69 Tank was problematic, but not as problematic as the Panzer 68. Both the Iranians and Iraqis identified serious problems with the Type 69 Tank during the Iran-Iraq War. Even the M47 Patton, which would have been considered obsolete by this point, could win against the Type 69. With all that said, Thailand did the right thing when they dumped their Type 69 Tanks overboard to turn them into artificial reefs.

If there was anyone in Puella Magi Madoka Magica who had to go through far worse suffering than even born losers such as Dan Hibiki, Glass Joe, Bubsy and Awesome Possum, it has to be Sayaka Miki. Her funeral at the beginning of Episode 11 of Puella Magi Madoka Magica is a fusion of tragedy and depression because she wanted to heal Kyosuke's hands, but this left her unappreciated and she became so depressed that she became the very same enemy she was supposed to fight against, and ended up dying as a result.

Three Red Buzzers, You're Out!

Author's Note: All copyrights for the images in this comic go to their respective owners.

There are many participants who got three red buzzers in The X Factor, and these characters are no exception. But there are real reasons these characters deserve to get three red buzzers.

Squidward has virtually no talent in regards to his clarinet skills. In fact, his clarinet music is so horrible that it would drive deaf people crazy.

Bubsy's catchphrase of "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?" is the very definition of self-fulfilling prophecy. Defeatism at its very worst, and it doesn't help that anything will go wrong even if it's not in the first place...

Awesome Possum is not so awesome because environmentalism has failed those who have sought to rein in environmental degradation. Even Bubsy could win against Awesome Possum, if given the chance...

Glass Joe is pathetic. He is definitely France's biggest disgrace. Even Dan Hibiki, who is considered the most pathetic character in the history of the Street Fighter series, would easily defeat this loser.

Spelunker is the weakest action hero in the history of video games because falling several pixels of height is more than enough to make Spelunker lose a life. At least he does not have to fall into Black Holes unlike Wynn from Mystery of Atlantis, who clearly does not die from falling several pixels of height. Unfortunately, Mystery of Atlantis does not even have any map to help Wynn avoid the Black Holes, and the game has no passwords or continues.

With all that said, some people are better off not showing up for the X Factor at all...

Unsuitable for Navy Service

Author's Note: All copyrights for the images in this comic go to their respective owners.

There are some characters who should keep their distance away from serving in the Navy. Here are some characters who I think should have no part in anyone's navy at all.

Aqua from Konosuba is irresponsible, easily distracted and whines a lot despite being a goddess.

Doremi Harukaze is notoriously clumsy and has often had a lot of mishaps.

Wile E Coyote is a failure in many ways possible. That's why he gets rejected. Nuff said.

Dan Hibiki is far too incompetent for the Navy, that's for sure.

Bubsy would end up making terrible decisions. What could possibly go wrong for Bubsy if he was in the Navy? If Bubsy was in a naval battle, he would be fish food.

Awesome Possum's environmentalist messages will only be greeted with enemy fire if he was in a naval battle.

Captain Bad Advice's name says it all. Nothing more, nothing less.

With all that said, if you were a recruiter, you would have told these navy recruit wannabes that they are unqualified for the Navy.

Close-Quarters Combat Flops

When it comes to close-quarters combat, Usagi and Kagome would suck at it. Usagi is a crybaby who does not want to hurt anybody, even after they became monsters due to getting corrupted by evil forces, while Kagome never gets involved in close-quarters combat despite her archery skills. In contrast, Sakura Kinomoto would use her magic wand as a melee weapon, while Link and Pit are capable of engaging their enemies in melee combat in addition to having excellent archery skills. If Usagi or Kagome were to fight someone like, say, Street Fighter's Chun-Li, they would stand no chance if Chun-Li got close enough to kick their face. Therefore, Usagi and Kagome would get rekt very easily when it comes to melee combat.

Executed By Golden Hammer

Author's Note: All copyrights for the images in this comic go to their respective owners.

Do you wish to execute anybody by smashing their heads with the Golden Hammer from the NES game Wrecking Crew? Well, here are five characters I would execute if I had the Golden Hammer from Wrecking Crew.

Let's face it. Bubsy was not destined for the greatness that Mario, Sonic and even Klonoa are having right now. Not even when he is now in Atari's more respectable hands because Atari would probably want to put him out of his misery if they decide to ask Atari fans on what they should do to Bubsy.

If there was one character that deserves death even more than Bubsy, it has to be Awesome Possum. Tengen originally conceived him to be the poster boy of environmentalism. However, people who wish to protect the environment now know that environmentalism has failed in protecting the environment. Therefore, Awesome Possum deserves to die even more so than Bubsy.

If there was anyone to blame for all the misery Squidward Tentacles has to suffer, it's Squilliam Fancyson. Squilliam got rich from Squidward's misery, and this only serves to fuel the leftists' hatred for the aristocracy. If Squidward is to receive any justice, Squilliam needs to be punished, with the death sentence if possible.

For deceiving millions of teenage girls throughout history, Kyubey must die over 9000 times, and one of the best methods of executing Kyubey is to smash him with the Wrecking Crew Golden Hammer until his corpse is a bloody mess.

Throughout the history of the Street Fighter franchise, Dan Hibiki was always the very definition of mediocrity. If he was to perish from getting smashed by the Golden Hammer, almost nobody in the Street Fighter series or the Street Fighter fanbase will mourn his death.

Slated For Bonus Stage Destruction

The car breaker bonus stage from Street Fighter 2 is one of the most iconic bonus levels in video game history. While it returned in Street Fighter 4, it's a pity it did not return in Street Fighter 5 or Street Fighter 6, and it definitely did not appear in Street Fighter X Tekken.

In this comic, we are going to talk about the vehicles that should be demolished in the car breaker bonus stage.

If Capcom took note of the Volkswagen Dieselgate scandal, they would have considered bringing back the car breaker bonus stage for future Street Fighter games and have a Volkswagen be the vehicle that's slated for destruction in the car breaker bonus stage. How's that for punishing an unscrupulous automaker that had its origins in the Nazi regime?

The Pontiac Aztek. The vehicle that killed Pontiac with its ugliness. It's a vehicle so ugly that Street Fighter characters would not give a second thought before destroying it in a car breaker bonus stage.

If there was one tank that deserves to be destroyed by Street Fighter characters, it's the Type 95 Ha-Go. With armor so thin that it can even be destroyed by an M1 Garand bolt action rifle, the Type 95 Ha-Go light tank would definitely be another vehicle that's slated for destruction via the car breaker bonus stage, although it would be a harder challenge than wrecking an average car.

The 2008 Fiat 500 had fantastic sales figures. However, if online reviews were anything, it was not a good car. It has terrible reliability issues and therefore, Street Fighter characters would have no problems about not giving a second thought before destroying it in a car breaker bonus stage.

The Chevrolet Citation is another unreliable vehicle that deserves to be destroyed in Street Fighter's car breaker bonus stage. Had it not been for the dodgy reliability issues, it would not have been a commercial failure, let alone appear in this comic...

Video Games that belong in a recycle bin

Author's Note: All copyrights for the items featured in this comic go to their respective owners.

Not all video games of yesteryear are worth collecting. Some of them are so horrendous that they should be dumped into an E-Waste recycle bin. Here are just seven games that were better off in a recycle bin.

Bubsy 3D: This infamous game caused the death of a mediocre mascot's career. Not even The Woolies Strike Back or Atari's acquisition of Bubsy could revive the franchise.

Awesome Possum: Definitely the worst Sega Genesis game in existence, although Instruments of Chaos starring Young Indiana Jones would have been its biggest rival for that disgraceful title.

Superman 64: A horrible Nintendo 64 game that tarnished the reputation of superhero video games.

Street Fighter (Amiga version): A terrible port of a mediocre arcade game, and Ken wasn't even in this port of the original Street Fighter.

Mortal Kombat Advance: Probably the worst game in the history of the Mortal Kombat series, although it would have to contend with the Game.com port of Mortal Kombat Trilogy for the worst game in Mortal Kombat history.

Escape From Bug Island: A game so bad that some shovelware titles for the Wii are better than this abomination. Even more insulting is the fact that this game was a launch title for the Wii in Japan.

Babylon's Fall: A dumpster fire that would make you want to shut your wallets on Square Enix. It was so horrible that the servers had to close down after less than a year, and when that announcement was made, video game stores wanted people to take it off their hands for free, meaning any thief who steals a copy of Babylon's Fall without getting arrested for theft will be left in despair when the servers closed its doors for good because Babylon's Fall is no longer playable after its servers closed down.

Toxic Fandoms

Even Groundskeeper Willie knows that the Street Fighter fandom has become very toxic. But he wouldn't like it if Principal Seymour Skinner calls Street Fighter fans a contentious people and would threaten Principal Skinner by saying that Ryu will hurl a Shinku Hadoken in his face for saying such words.

The Simpsons © FOX.

Swimming Pool Matriarch Visual Gag Variations 2

Another Matriarch of the Swimming Pool visual gag variations comic? Looks like this comic could become a new Internet meme.

In Xenoblade Chronicles 2, Pyra wears a tiny pair of shorts. It was so tiny that she had to wear a pantyhose when she became playable in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. However, Pyra's tiny shorts are actually comfortable. They just look rather silly, though.

People wonder how Tekken elements such as Kazuya Mishima being a playable character as well as a Heihachi Mishima Wig for Mii Fighters and a Heihachi Mishima Mii Brawler costume could be included in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Well, Tekken's history on Nintendo platforms began with Tekken Advance for the Game Boy Advance, although this was eclipsed by the Wii U Edition of Tekken Tag Tournament 2 in terms of popularity, but still, as the first Tekken game on a Nintendo platform, Tekken Advance remains an important footnote in Tekken history.

Did you know that kokeshi dolls were the main inspiration for the Miis that became the digital avatars for the Nintendo Wii, 3DS, Wii U and Switch consoles? Unlike the kokeshi dolls which do not have arms or legs, Miis have protruding limbs for arms and legs.

Relegating an advertising mascot to the sidelines for 17 years for being too scary is surely not the right thing to do for Ken Kutaragi. That was how Polygon Man became a malevolent being who seeks to take over Sony.

The original Street Fighter had Ryu and Ken as playable characters. It also had many ports, most of which are almost unplayable as compared to the barely playable Arcade version, and Ken does not even appear in the Amiga and Amstrad CPC versions.

While the MSX computer was associated with Sony and Panasonic, Fujitsu was also one of the manufacturers of the MSX computer. In fact, Fujitsu manufactured the MSX as the FM-X alongside their competing computing range, in the form of the FM-7, FM-8 and FM-77.

Arcades of Yesteryear

Do you remember the glory days of the video game arcades? Well, I do. That's why this comic focuses on remembering the days of growing up with Street Fighter, The King of Fighters, Metal Slug, Raiden, Dance Dance Revolution, Pop'n Music, Bishi Bashi, and Puzzle Bobble. but these were the more well-known ones. There might be more arcade obscurities out there, waiting for recognition.

Back in the late 1990s, video game arcades were still alive and well. In fact, some of the best arcade titles such as Puzzle Bobble, Street Fighter, Raiden, and Metal Slug to name a few were brought over to the PlayStation, and these arcade conversions did well. But now, a large number of arcade titles have fallen by the wayside, and of those that have continued to hold out, very few of them aged well. Even the video game arcades have seen the number of good arcade video games dwindle, and they continue to dwindle to this day.

And yes, the "Oh, to be young again..." quote became a popular topic in poetry that it became an actual quote in Miitopia, where Miis afflicted with aging often complain about what they have to do to be young again. Man, I really miss the times when arcades were at their prime...

Video Game Television

Credits to Norwegian RuneScape YouTuber Will Miss It for the idea for this comic.

If only there were better television shows based on video games, then only we would stop taking our TV shows for granted, including TV shows based on video games.

Here are some good TV shows based on video games that do not exist but we wished they existed:

Breaking Bubsy

Based on: Breaking Bad

Bubsy struggles to survive in a society that totally dislikes him while everyone makes his life miserable.

Everybody Hates Bubsy

Based on: Everybody Hates Chris

Similar to Breaking Bubsy, but with people who dislike Bubsy out to get him dead.

Kusoge Kombat

Based on: The Mortal Kombat cartoon

Kusoge game characters such as Wynn from Mystery of Atlantis, Gonbe and Tago from Ikki, and Spelunker, fight to the bitter end against each other for their personal survival.

So You Think You Can Fight

Based on: So You Think You Can Dance

Basically a combat-themed version of So You Think You Can Dance. Contestants have to beat up various objects such as a sandbag.

The Kloffice

Based on: The Office

Let's face it. The Kloffice will be the closest thing Klonoa will ever have to having a white-collar job, and Isabelle from Animal Crossing could just be one of his co-workers.

Last Noob Standing

Based on: Last Man Standing

The weakest characters in video game history battle each other to the death. In this case, Dan Hibiki from Street Fighter emerged victorious with Bubsy and a RuneScape Noob laying dead on the floor. Enjoy your moment of victory while you can, Dan Hibiki. You will still be considered very low in the Street Fighter character rankings list.

Whose Ability Is It Anyway

Based on: Whose Line Is It Anyway

Whose Line Is It Anyway features multiple different games performed by the performers. One of the games performed by the performers is Foreign Film Dub. In video games, cutscenes are basically the equivalent of film, which is why Foreign Cutscene Dub is one of the games performed in Whose Ability Is It Anyway.

Lemmings Invasion

Based on: Rabbids Invasion

While Rabbids Invasion revolves around the Rabbids coming to our society, Lemmings Invasion revolves around the Lemmings coming to our society. At least the Lemmings will be better than the Rabbids, assuming the Lemmings do not self-destruct...

Mii Vs Food

Based on: Man Vs Food

A Mii wearing a chef hat arms himself with a kitchen knife to slice his way through various food-based enemies, including Mr Hot Dog, Mr Egg and Mr Pickle from BurgerTime.

The Browser Wars

This show is all about Internet web browsers fighting a long war against each other. The various browsers warring against each other include Internet Explorer, Microsoft Edge, Mozilla Firefox and Google Chrome.

Super Smash Bros Supercade Smackdown

Based on: Saturday Supercade

Remember Saturday Supercade? Well, imagine if Super Smash Bros had a TV series, it would aim to relive the glory days of Saturday Supercade. This is a show we would definitely watch.

Please be mindful that this comic was designed before Microsoft announced the end of support for Internet Explorer.