Defining Cold War Alternate History

Today marks the 25th Anniversary of the PC game Command and Conquer Red Alert. This game in the Command and Conquer series catapulted the Cold War alternate history setting genre to massive popularity levels that no other game in this category could achieve prior to this game's launch. There have been several spiritual successors to the Red Alert games such as World in Conflict and the Wargame trilogy, but they just fall short of being true spiritual successors to the Red Alert trilogy. Perhaps it's because the Red Alert trilogy has military equipment that looks like they came straight out of Cold War-era science fiction and an epic soundtrack that World in Conflict and the Wargame trilogy does not have. Happy Anniversary, Command and Conquer Red Alert. Dasvidaniya.

Up In United Arms

I cannot believe I have not featured anything related to MapleStory in my comics until now. Maybe it's time MapleStory got more attention in my comics...

Attention, all readers. If you are fed up with all the injustices going on throughout the whole world, it could be time to rise up in united arms, regardless of what weapons you are using.

Below is a detailed explanation for all the weapons featured in this comic:

The bronze dagger is known for being the weakest weapon in the history of the RuneScape game in both RuneScape 3 and Old School RuneScape. Steel daggers are significantly stronger than bronze daggers in both RuneScape 3 and Old School RuneScape, and are commonplace with special forces all over the world.

In RuneScape, farmers fight using pitchforks, and pitchforks have always been a symbol of angry mobs.

The 2020 edition of Looney Tunes has decided to remove guns from the show. This means Elmer Fudd will no longer be using his shotgun. However, Warner Bros did not remove dynamites from the 2020 edition of Looney Tunes. Therefore, enjoy laughing at cartoon explosions while we still can, because weapon control laws will tighten the noose on our childhood memories.

Shotguns, handguns, Uzis and dynamites have always been weapons featured in many games in the Worms series, which has been known for the many hilarious deaths of worms due to these weapons.

In the Command and Conquer games, technicians use their pistols to defend themselves. Unfortunately, it's useless against buildings and most vehicles. Only in the hands of super commandos do pistols do any damage against vehicles, with the most prominent example being the Metal Slug games.

The AK-47 has become a symbol of Russia's military power, as well as a common weapon of Russia's client states. Unfortunately, terrorists have idolized the AK-47, and that's no good.

Wands have largely been the favourite weapon of choice for many magical girls, including Rit from Rod Land and Soldam, and being a magic user is quite common for many female MapleStory and RuneScape player characters. This is why Rit's magic wand, MapleStory's Ice Wand and RuneScape's Mystic Wand are featured in this comic.

The stick grenade was originally used by the German Army during World Wars 1 and 2. Unfortunately, it failed to help Germany win both World Wars, which they obviously lost. In the Metal Slug series, the stick grenades are used by the playable characters as well as mid-boss Allen O'Neil.

Dynamites have always been a favourite weapon of the Crazy Ivan from Red Alert 2. In fact, the Crazy Ivan is one of the most humorous units in the game along with any explosive unit that blows up enemies.

Sais have been a mainstay in all things ninja, including MapleStory. The most prominent user of sais has to be Raphael from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

MapleStory is just one of those games where you can use silly weapons, and one of those silly weapons is a steel pipe.

Gonbe and Tago from Ikki use bamboo spears to fight for justice. Just as pitchforks are the weapons of angry mobs from Western countries, bamboo spears would be the best choice for the Japanese or East Asian counterparts to the pitchfork.

How The Cold War Should Have Ended

Right from the start of the Cold War, Russia's threats against the Allies had always been a bluff. Even when the Korean Peninsula was embroiled in a civil war that is still ongoing to this day despite a peace agreement in 2018, Russia's threats against America was going to be a bluff right from the start. All of this was because the late Herbert W. Armstrong boldly proclaimed "Russia will not attack America!" He was proven to be correct. Eventually, in 1991, Germany's "shadow government" instigated separatist movements in Slovenia and Croatia to entice these two countries to declare independence from Serbia. Many nations condemned it, including Russia, China and their client states.

Now, 30 years after the break-ups of Yugoslavia and the Soviet Union, Germany's true colours may have already been revealed. This means that NATO did not succeed in keeping the Germans down, while keeping the Russians out of Europe. No wonder Russia, China and other rogue dictators have become so angry. Germany's desires for an empire did not die when they lost World War 2. Germany wants to enforce their will upon other countries, including so-called "rogue dictatorships". This will provoke rogue dictators to lose their minds and unleash a nuclear firestorm. In other words, Germany had been lying to the Anglosphere and the rest of the free world, much to the anger of even the German people.

Maybe Russia should have won the Cold War. Then we will not have to deal with a warlike empire headquartered in the Rotten Heart of Europe...

Command and Conquer: Red Alert Series © Electronic Arts.